Why It’s OK—and Even Empowering—to Laugh at Yourself in an Embarrassing Moment

Think about the last time you felt embarrassed over a simple mistake—maybe you tripped over a crack in the sidewalk or forgot the name of somebody you’d met before. Did you skulk off in humiliation, kicking yourself over the faux pas? According to a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, you’re better off shirking that sense of shame.

What the Study Found

Over the course of six online experiments, a total of 3,000 participants were asked to read about other people’s inoffensive blunders. For instance: walking into a glass door at a party or waving to the wrong person at a theater. Next, participants were shown how each individual reacted to their error—whether they acted embarrassed or laughed it off. 

Researchers found that participants perceived those who laughed at themselves in the wake of a harmless embarrassing moment to be warmer, more competent, and more authentic than those who responded with embarrassment. “Our findings suggest that people often overestimate how harshly others judge their minor social mistakes,” explains study coauthor Övül Sezer, PhD, assistant professor at the Cornell University SC Johnson School of Business, in a press release. “For minor, harmless blunders, laughing at yourself can signal social confidence, reduce tension, and communicate that the mistake was accidental.”

Expressing shame led participants to believe that the individual was blowing the situation out of proportion; meanwhile, laughter signaled recognition that the mistake was no big deal. 

The study did find an exception to this trend: if the mistake in question turned out to cause harm—say, the character described tripped and broke their own arm (or bumped into a colleague, breaking their arm instead)—participants considered laughing at oneself to be an inappropriate response. “What’s important is calibrating the reaction to the seriousness of the mistake,” Dr. Sezer says.

Why Laughing at Yourself Can Be Empowering

Some of us find ourselves replaying a highlight reel of our own embarrassing moments in our minds before we fall asleep. But the degree of humiliation you feel is not typically representative of how significant the mishap actually was, according to clinical psychologist Andrea Zorbas, PsyD, founder and CEO of Therapy Now SF. “Most people are too self-involved to remember other people's embarrassing moments, which can be helpful to keep in mind on a daily basis,” she says. This is part of a psychological phenomenon known as the “spotlight effect”—which experts describe as the tendency to overestimate how much attention other people are actually paying to you in a given social situation. 

At worst, eyewitnesses to your minor gaffe might feel a twinge of secondhand embarrassment. When you’re able to find the humor in an awkward situation, those around you will feel more comfortable, too. “What this study highlights aligns closely with what we see clinically: when someone can laugh at themselves, it signals psychological safety and confidence. It tells others, ‘I’m not fragile, and you don’t have to be uncomfortable for me,’ which immediately puts people at ease,” explains clinical social worker Tiffany Petite, MSW, RCSW, cofounder and CEO of Virtuous Circle Counselling. “In contrast, visible embarrassment can create a kind of social tension where others feel unsure how to respond, which can actually make the moment feel bigger than it is.”

Next time you slip up in public (because we all inevitably do), resist the temptation to assume that people will think less of you. Laughing it off actually serves as an opportunity to demonstrate your self-confidence and relatability. “People don’t become more likeable because they’re perfect—they become more likeable when they show they can recover from imperfection,” Petite says. “That’s something we can actively practice by normalizing small mistakes instead of trying to avoid them.”